CHAPTER 11
(MORPHINE) OR CANNABIS…
The question seems quite harmless because for a few, it’s a no brainier.
When I came out of one of my many regular hospitals visits last February, they gave me a set of new pills to fight the pain.
Among them,
some Long-Lasting Morphine to take every 2 hours. However, it didn’t really kill the pain and as such, I could never sleep only with these ones. So, I had to supplement with my other “when needed” medication, the type you had to smoke. At least with that one, I could at least sleep a little…
“Without too much pain” wasn’t really an option for me at this point.
So, my dilemma was quite simple:
being able to sleep or staying awake.
So, I took up smoking my “medication” in order to numb the pain... But, in my case, it quickly became a bit more complicated as those joints made me cough… a lot. Well, guess what happens when you’ve had a kid? So, I decided to smoke some more in order to save money on adult nappies.
So, I smoked it as I would cigarettes. I inhaled less (you cannot stop inhaling completely Mr. President…). But it still cost me a fortune! Way more than buying bootlegged cigarettes from the Indian reserves!
«You don’t take your medication properly mommy…»
Said my little innocent boy once.
My « medication » was now prescribed by a new doctor.
One who had never touched this stuff before but dedicated enough that he met with a friend of his, a “consultant” in the field who explained the optimal way to “auto-medicate”...
And therefore, I received a personalized course from my doctor on how to maximize the effects of my joint intake!
The universe finally answered me that day (and quite archly at that!).
Following a simple preparatory colonoscopy (I am still unsure if will have surgery for that ailment now…).
I ended up having to go back to the hospital as I got sick (an aspiration pneumonia) as a side effect of the liquid we must take before the colonoscopy… you know, the one that cleanse the passageway… Well, it didn’t agree with me.
I also caught another “thingy” while I was at it. Saves me another trip to the hospital I guess...
Well, that bloody unforeseen and totally unwanted illness knocked me out, literally. I was nail in my hospital bed with no energy whatsoever. I totally lost it then. Two more ailments on top of everything else! What the #$? I barely could manage with the others, that was the last straw.
So, I yelled from the top of my lungs, but no one heard me!
So, the first week of my hospitalization, I pretty much stayed in my bed the whole time and therefore ended up with more pain than before. Like being jabbed with knives, faster and harder.
I requested my old prescription of morphine… and with my magic herbs, well it didn’t work anymore!
So, I realized there and then that my continuously sleeping in the “fetal position” all the time was no more a solution. So, I decided that I was completely over it. Never ever again… (to be continued...).
As for my cannabis consumption, I largely calmed down.
I am not Croesus and it it far from being good for you so I reduced my intake quite dramatically. I will never be able to stop having pain altogether but peaks at 10 still, it pays with your mind, weather you want it or not.
I must still realize that I am utterly lucky to have my own personal healer who graciously again offered me a thoracic cage treatment just before leaving for one of his medieval re-enactment weekends:
« an osteochondritis and a pneumonia cannot be healed in just 3 days, it’s impossible! It takes weeks to heal” they said.
(And yet I have three envelopes and tests results from the hospital to prove to my doctor that it did!).
Thank you once again “mon bébé”!
From now on, I only have to manage my regular pain.
Thank you, God because that level of pain I got to learn to live with it. How old was I when it all started? 20 years old? That remind me of an old song I sang with a famous Canadian singer long ago: Pierre Lalonde.
(I remember singing with him, when I was just a kid, I was wearing my new white skirt my dad bought just for that. On the same day, just before, we had recorded a song with another famous Québec singer Fanfan Dédé).
Right after, we moved on to a much larger studio to record a televised event (a sort of Young Talent Time) that Sunday.
Live this one. With my family in the audience.
I was truly impressed to meet “Pierre”. I remember meeting him again during a trip with my entire family (my brother was there that time as he had his first true love with him (Chantal, I recall, was her name. He was madly in love with her).
We saw him perform that summer on our way to Toronto in our caravan; it was at the Upper Canada Village. I have fond memories of these simpler times…).
I can’t remember when it started really, and I don’t really care.
I think of those who have an incurable degenerative illness, or a cancer, an amputation, and what else. They really suffer deeply.
I have nothing to complain about really, otherwise.
I have a great family, great friends, in life and online, two wonderful dog and most of all, a loving husband (What else?
Oh no more bird. Passed away recently. Sniff…).
That Reminds me of a song by Laurence Jalbert (local Québec French singer):
« Je suis tombée, tombée, tombée en amour...» (I fell, fell, fell, in love).
Speaking of Madame Jalbert, with her lovely scarlet hair, I had the privilege to meet her once, totally by coincidence.
It just so happened that I was studying infographics in the same building where she was living with her family. I met her at the convenience store on the ground floor of the building, one sunny day of spring.
She was there with her son who also had a difficult youth because of illnesses and yet, she didn’t pity him and was even able to say “no” to him, when needed, as a good mother:
“I will try to remember this life lesson Laurence for when I too have a kid”. I thought.
My brother might say that I didn’t always succeed. I probably compensated with him because of my prior loss, who knows…
La vie est belle et bonne pour moi! (life is good for me).
Yet, after that latest attack on my body,
I had to take more medication than before (and the list “before” was already quite exhaustive (if I had to list it here, it would probably take 3 pages so I will spare you the hassle), 13 pills more!
[on top of the 2 small joints I now was taking…].
and with that illness which was somewhat very taxing on my body, well I was even more disabled than before, which led to a major depression (I’m a bit a lot) of a drama Queen.
I immediately saw myself in a wheel chair for life.
(I was told I would be in one actually if I didn’t go through another spinal surgery) so I relapsed...
« I would prefer a Hover Board like in Back To The Future II, it would be a bit more fun but!) ... Hey the “future” is not that far now!
21 October, 2015
Oops, now it has already come and gone. It took me so much time to proof read my text since I cannot sit down long and everything else…).
I thought, then that I would spend the rest of my life in my beloved house. No matter how much I loved it remains just a better-looking jail as far as I was concerned.
I got scared really: in Québec or elsewhere where I would like to visit someday, you can’t really find disabled access to every building or toilets on ground floor…
(I actually have a solution to fix that problem but until I get it patented, it will stay in my drawer, I won’t tell you which ok lol...).
So I screamed
(not really screamed as I had lost my voice for a bit, let’s say I screamed inside but outside it came out as crying uncontrollably… it helps believe me).
when I met the lady at the local medical clinic where I was inquiring about receiving some help for my daily activities until I got better:
“I can pay”, I told her. “All I want is someone to help me prepare my meals, help me wash myself, basic stuff really”.
At that point, I would have paid for someone to just hold my hand and tell me I would get through it someday, I really felt it was it for me and my autonomy then!
« No problem lady, we will help you».
(For the food, she gave me names of caterers in my area, I guess I was happy with that. And these days, most restaurant deliver.)
« …And next week, someone will phone you to make an appointment to come and wash you...».
ONCE A WEEK!!!!!